1/ Suppose I were to begin, as Maggie Nelson began in Bluets, by saying that I had fallen in love with a color. The color yellow.
2/ Like Nelson’s affinity to blue, my attraction to yellow began slowly. Then, one day, it became more serious. Somehow personal.
3/ This yellow affair emerged as a violent, unfettered happiness. Days were getting longer, the sun was setting later. Yellow are the long, splendid days spent under the sun.
4/ Early morning walk by the charming little beach. Golden sands in full glory. Yellow kayaks launching into the Hudson.
5/ On a morning seven sundays ago, I saw bright yellow sunflowers at the farmer’s market. I brought a bunch home. My own bunch of yellow.
6/ Electric lemon yellow. Last summer in Sorrento. Silly sundries covered in zany lemon print all over town. I tried my best not to but still winced at the cloying sweetness of yellow limoncello.
7/ Lemon zest on a crostini with ricotta and golden honey. Gorgeously golden sfogliatelle baking in the oven. Sweet aroma of candied citrus. I float.
8/ Shrimp scampi. Bright garlic sizzling in golden extra virgin olive oil. Lemon halves about to be squeezed onto asparagus fresh off the grill.
9/ Two summers ago, we hopped into a yellow cab on Central Park West in the pouring rain.
10/ Never got caught in the rain once this summer. Never winced.
11/ Warmth. Basking in yellow. I wore butter yellow nail polish to sunbathe by the pool deck. What strong light. It reminded me of how I was taught to draw the sun in kindergarten: an orange orb sitting at the top corner of the page, an inert egg yolk radiating yellow rays. I’m under that egg yolk now. Melting like butter.
12/ Butter. Preferably Kerrygold. Is there a more tender feeling than cutting into softened salted butter?
13/ In the undulating ripples of whipped buttercream, I saw the mellow surface of the Hudson on a balmy summer night.
14/ Almost approaching the night. The setting sun casting an ethereal golden sheen in the living room, kitchen cabinets aglow, my silhouette a luminous phantom of delight.
15/ Bending over the sink eating luscious peaches and mangoes as yellow as the sunset.
16/ Reading on the roof at dusk. I felt something flutter into my lap. It was a yellow monarch butterfly.
17/ Kill Bill yellow. Uma Thurman’s Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 sneakers. Great for walking. I like to wear mine with raw denim, to revel in the thrilling contrast between the dark wash and brilliant yellow.
18/ It is really getting dark now. Sultry yellow oozing out from townhouses on the block. Gas lamps illuminate my night walk. Back home later to sip mellow yellow lemon ginger tea.
19/ Or perhaps it is still light after all - lightness, levity, a sudden lucidity. I had to paint it all out, to tame the light, with Stettheimer -esque exuberance and ecstasy. Simone Weil wrote “Love is not a consolation. It is light.” And indeed, “when I was alive, I aimed to be a student not of longing but of light.” was how Maggie Nelson ended Bluets.
20/ I don’t long to be anywhere but here, now - in this glorious summer, yellow.
